Freelance Writer Portfolio Website_edited.png
Decorative graphic
Decorative graphic

yeah, write

A THRILLER WRITER'S THOUGHTS ON WRITING, LIFE & WRITING LIFE.

Get write with yourself.

Thanks for subscribing!

Does This Book Make Me Look Crazy?


After scores of major and minor revisions inspired by editor, agent, beta reader, and brutal inner voice feedback, my second novel is shining like a newly minted penny on a California sidewalk. It's its best suspenseful self, query-ready and already getting positive early feedback. What a relief.


I am happy to report I enjoyed this delicious feeling for nearly a full 48 hours.


Then it happened. The idea for #3 hit me hard. So hard I couldn't set it aside and return to it in a couple weeks after a little break from the obsessive compulsion that is novel writing.


It's not a bad problem to have. When I first started writing novels, my biggest hurdle was deciding what, and whose, story I wanted to tell. It was like being at one of those restaurants where there's so many entrée options, they don't even bother with names. I'll have number 483, please. Now, despite a backlog of ever growing ideas, my intuition about what must be written right this moment is finely attuned.


It's just, I would have liked one week - one week - to let my brain linger free of plots and characters and scenes. One week where I'm not compulsively narrating my every action. She gets herself a drink from the faucet, letting her fingers linger under the tap as she waits for the water to run cold...


I didn't mean to choose the premise for #3 so soon. In fact, I deliberately avoided letting my mind explore the possibilities. I wanted to let this latest accomplishment soak in a bit, let it get a little soggy even. Because I know what happens once the hole is dug and the foundation gets poured. The walls start framing themselves into tidy scenes, then the electrical and HVAC guys show up with subplots that make the whole shebang work. Before I know it, I'm standing in a watertight house picking out paint and ordering furniture. There is no in between. Because when I write, I figuratively eat, drink, and sleep my book. I'm that person on the train with glazed eyes but my drug is the mental unfolding of a great scene. I lie awake for hours in bed, too excited to sleep, because I need to mend a plot hole. The kids go to bed and I tell my husband I'll join him for a movie on the couch in thirty minutes when I'm done writing, but then I'm startled when five minutes later he knocks on the door to tell me it's been three hours and he's going to bed.


The backlog of stories I want to write and other writer's books I want to read gives me straight up anxiety. Every day there's a new seedling of a story idea or concept or character that I must one day get on paper. I add handfuls of new books to my Amazon Wish List at an alarming rate. And though it feels as satisfying as a scratched itch to finish a manuscript and know you've got something good, it's provisional. Because until it's in print, my work is fair game for everything from subtle tweaks to major revisions should something new and brilliant occur to me as I'm doing the seven-hundredth reread just in case there's a better adjective than crapulous (there isn't) or room for another disturbing twist (there is, there always is). Even after I have a product so polished I'm afraid of getting fingerprints on it, I still pick and poke.


I'm plagued by the notion that if I can just get one or two or six weeks away from everything else in a remote cabin somewhere, I can knock out enough words to attain achieve inner peace. But of course that's ridiculous. Once I finished my first novel, I knew I'd be this way forever.


So farewell peace, you old high school friend I see every two years. It was good see you. We'll have to be better about checking in, yes? Are you on Instagram? Maybe I'll catch some shots of your kids' #firstdayofschool or like the appreciation post for your husband that he'll never see because he's not on social media. But until then, thanks. Those 48 hours were really great.